At Last, The Secret To LOVE Is Revealed

Love me or love me not! Oh wait, I actually like love me properly or don't love me at all. Many people believe that love is just enough for a relationship to flourish, and I'll be the first to inform you that it is not. As the lover boy I hate that I am, I've learned what it means to love someone and not love them properly. Loving someone properly is more than just loving them in their love language. You know, the basics: Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch.

While it is important to love someone in their love language, it is equally important to learn how to love them in their love language. You must understand them. You must understand who they are, where they come from, how to protect them, how they think, what hurts them, what makes them feel good/happy, what makes them comfortable, what makes them uncomfortable, and most importantly when they need reinsurance. 

For example, your partner's top love language could be words of affirmation. You do a decent job telling them you love them, but do you tell them when it matters? Do you know why they need to hear that you love them more than occasionally? Do you tell them why you love them? Perhaps you explaining to your partner why you love them could be one of those things that makes them feel good. That would be emotional intimacy. If you're not aware of what emotional intimacy is I advise you to do your research. Anyway, let's visit when it matters. It may or may not mean much to you, but your partner could need to hear the words "I love you" after an argument or fight, after feeling let down, or maybe even after being discouraged. This may be one of those times you give them reinsurance with their top love language. 

In regards of the statement where they come, you should learn if they were raised on survival or love. Depending on the side they fall on, you may have to love them a little differently. Please keep in mind not to hold how they were raised against them. They simply had no control over that. Yes, it’s true. People who were raised on survival see things different from people raised on love. There's a lot to unpack in that topic alone, so we'll save that for another blog post.

We have to get out of this notion that our partner ought to know what I want or  it’s pretty obvious what I need, especially if you guys aren't having those conversations frequently. The truth is that we are all human and we all go through changes. What your partner needs or expects from you may not be the same as time pass and that's okay.

When it's all said and done you have to make sure you have those hard conversations, comprehend to the best of your abilities, and receive what your partner is expressing with very little blowback. Blowback can interfere with future conversations and interactions.

with love,

- Pure Hearts

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